Managing urges
Urges are experiences that rise and fall. Learning to pause and choose a response can strengthen behavioural control over time.
Important: Normal sexual thoughts and desires do not need to disappear. The objective is improved behavioural control and alignment with your values and goals—not elimination of sexuality.
Stepwise guide (interactive)
1. Recognize
Notice early signs of an unwanted urge (thoughts, body sensations, restlessness, seeking privacy/device).
2. Pause before responding
Create a brief gap (e.g., 60–120 seconds). Delay gives space for choice.
3. Identify associated emotions
Name what’s present: stress, boredom, loneliness, anxiety, fatigue, curiosity, or something else.
4. Change environments
Move location, put the device down, go to a shared space, or alter the cue context.
5. Practise urge surfing
Observe the urge like a wave—notice intensity rise/fall—without acting on it. Breathe slowly and stay with sensations.
6. Redirect attention
Choose a meaningful alternative (walk, message a friend, task, hobby, relaxation) matched to the emotion/need.
7. Reflect afterwards
What triggered it? What helped? What could you try next time? Treat this as learning, not judgment.
Quick pause tool
A short, optional timer to practise pausing (runs in your browser; nothing is recorded).
During the pause: breathe slowly, name the feeling, and choose one small alternative action.
Handling setbacks without shame
- A setback does not erase progress; it can highlight triggers or unmet needs.
- Ask: “What was happening before?” and “What support or change would help next time?”
- Return to your plan and routines with compassion and realistic adjustments.
- If setbacks are frequent or distressing, consider support from a qualified professional.