Adult relationships and marriage

Possible areas of impact (for some)

• Emotional distance: preoccupation, reduced availability, or withdrawal may affect connection in some relationships.
• Relationship agreements and secrecy: undisclosed use can undermine trust when it conflicts with shared expectations; agreements differ across couples.
• Communication difficulties: shame, defensiveness, or conflict may make conversations harder.
• Intimacy and relationship satisfaction: some studies report associations with lower satisfaction for some people, while others find no or mixed effects depending on context and congruence of views.
• Unrealistic expectations: media portrayals may shape expectations for some; effects depend on interpretation, communication, and beliefs.
• Conflict between partners: disagreements about use, boundaries, or values can create tension.
• Shared responsibilities and future plans: time use, stress, or conflict may affect day-to-day functioning and planning for some couples.

What research suggests (with caution)

Systematic reviews and longitudinal studies indicate associations between pornography use/PPU and relationship outcomes can be small, mixed, or moderated by factors such as perceived addiction, moral or values incongruence, partner attitudes, and relationship context (e.g., Vaillancourt-Morel et al., 2017; Wright et al., 2017; Grubbs & Perry, 2019). Some findings suggest distress may relate more to incongruence or perceived lack of control than to frequency alone.

Not universal: Do not assume that pornography consumption causes relationship problems in every case. Associations do not prove causation, and couples differ in values, agreements, and experiences.

Constructive steps for couples

• Discuss values, boundaries, and expectations respectfully and clearly.
• Focus on behaviours, impacts, and feelings rather than blame.
• Address underlying stress, mental health, or coping needs that may be involved.
• Consider structured support if conversations stall or conflict persists.

Professional couples counselling

When PPU or disagreements about use are contributing to ongoing distress, mistrust, or conflict, professional couples counselling (e.g., with a licensed marriage and family therapist, psychologist, or counsellor) may help partners improve communication, clarify agreements, rebuild trust, and address related concerns in a structured, nonjudgmental setting. Individual therapy may also be appropriate depending on needs.

If there is coercion, abuse, or safety concerns, seek appropriate local support services promptly.